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[14 Jul 2006|09:38pm]
This will be my last update ever on livejournal. if anyone on here is even still interested in talking to me go to my website to email me. Rhydercookman.com. The loss of Lani has hit me harder than i ever imagined something could.
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Rest in Peace [14 Jul 2006|09:35pm]
Lani we'll all miss you. i hope you found the peace you were looking for. Take care my dear.
Rest in peace.
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music is all i have [21 Mar 2005|01:48pm]
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[16 Mar 2005|12:41pm]
no updates in awhile...life confusing....feeling hurt....more later
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[21 Feb 2005|09:01am]
well.... i wish i knew...i just wish i knew what to think or do. but all i can do is follow how i feel. She makes me so happy. but what am i supposed to do....im stuck.
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[18 Feb 2005|03:51pm]
ouch....fucking ouch is all i can say about the past 2 hours.....
left me worse than before.
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[17 Feb 2005|08:33am]
what are you supposed to do when the person you like so much is confused.....you just want them happy and you start to figure out that its most likely that they're happiest not with you.... thats when things get confusing.....im in a strange place right now and i don't know what to make of it all
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[12 Feb 2005|08:35am]
amazing day, amazing night
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[06 Feb 2005|07:00pm]
after watching someone have their birthday today i have come to one conclusion

birthdays are like hookers, all they want to do is suck
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[31 Dec 2004|12:40am]
I didn't realize i look so crazy, but here's a photo of me my friend took last night.

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[31 Dec 2004|12:28am]
nothing new except i go to iceland next wednesday. i'll have shitloads of photos and video. I'm leaving sunday for vermont. then going on tuesday from vermont to boston to see my friend emma. then wed night i fly out of boston into iceland. this should be fantastic. also if you havent seen any of the following movies i highly suggest them. they're pretty rad overall. The Life Aquatic (another great Wes Anderson film), Garden State (even better the 2nd and 3rd times), Resident Evil: Apocalypse (shitty really, but if you enjoyed the first as i did you'll like this one too), Open Water (great movie, great to see what 6 people can do with a DV camera and some devotion to a project)
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[23 Dec 2004|09:37pm]
well not much has happened lately, i fucked up at school in a huge way but hopefully it'll end well. ive been confused as hell about what to do lately, i know i do it now and i can't stop it, i just fall for girls too quickly and too hard. then i don't know what to do. im just, well i hate to be alone... plus lately ive been more sexually frustrated then ever before. i haven't had any sort of release in months. it sucks.... but i've learned to ignore that now.

on the plus side i'm going to iceland on jan 5th, that ought to be great.

im just off, and im sorry for just a strange post.
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[09 Dec 2004|03:22pm]
first update in awhile. ive been busy. REALLY busy. school work has backed up on me. but im not too worried, ive got stuff due for monday, then stuff due for thursday. and basicly no classes between now and then. it sorta bums me out when someone is worried about you but they show it by accidently coming off as pissed and judgemental. not so cool.
i know anyone reading this has read similar things before but i met a girl. but, for a nice change, i think this will work out wonderfully. she seems to really like me, and she isn't seeing someone right now, and she is so nice. im just quite happy with how its all working out. but for now, ive got work to do.
take care
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[22 Nov 2004|01:35pm]
Happy Birthday to Ville Valo,
and thank god he's brought us all HIM.
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[22 Nov 2004|08:21am]
let me just get this out of the way and say ASDFkgnflafnlaskndaSD?A1. now that thats done i'll continue
So last night i finally fessed up and told someone that i like them, its a crush ive had for a while now, basicly since i've been at school but ive kept it a secret from everyone because.... well stuff has a tendency to not stay private haha. but yeah so i spoke to her about it for awhile last night, and we ended up kissing. which is awesome but at the same time she has a boyfriend. and she seems pretty happy with him now so we're just friends. but, im still like astounded about everything that happened. i honestly would love a relationship with her, but for now thats not going to happen, so i'll just have to settle for last night. oh well,
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[25 Oct 2004|01:23am]
[ mood | happy ]

this weekend i:
drank alot (split a 24 pack last night)
road a 4 wheeler
fell off a 4 wheeler
got a crazy dent in my forearm FROM the 4 wheeler
climbed into an abandoned railroad bridge over the delawear river
was elbow deep in a cow's mouth
met ALOT of people
got stung in the forehead by an unknown bug
climbed through the woods to waterfalls
sat and thought for awhile at the waterfalls
sat and thought untill jess and jimmy thought it'd be fun to throw rocks at me
stepped into the creek accidently soaking my leg up to the knee
climbed back up the bank with one soaked leg
but bestest of all
this weekend i:
hung out with a girl i really like for 36 hours straight and it was totally awesome. only problem is i should've kissed her when i was on the abandoned bridge, we were laying on it watching the sunset and im such a stupid timid bastard i couldn't muster the courage to kiss her. what a perfect opportunity missed. but besides that i was all incredible. and here's the crazy parts: we are REALLY SHOCKINGLY alike in alot of ways. she told me "i was the only person to sleep in bed with her that she didn't get annoyed with" we also noticed that we were silent for a while during the drive and it was comfortable silence, nothing needed to be said we were just sorta content. and the craziest part, ive started to like her ALOT, like alot alot.
i've got to kiss her, anyone have any clue how i can become more courageous? i need to do it or she'll think i don't want to. i told her tonight i wanted to kiss her on the bridge she asked me why i was so scared, i said i didn't know. but yeah, i could really use some help, because i really like this girl alot, frankly she's all i think about lately.

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[19 Oct 2004|01:41am]
Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful
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holy sdfissdfalsdknfalksdnfskn [19 Oct 2004|01:29am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

ME: i guess its basicly started when i first met you
ME: i was sorta overwhelmed with life at that point
ME: and now that its sorta settled down in the past two weeks i really noticed how much i liked you
HER: what do mean overwhelmed with life...?
ME: just the whole making friends, starting classes, living with a drug dealer, ya know the usual college first couple weeks
HER : hahahahhaa thats so funny
HER: i like u to

dfsdunfasldfjnasdgj! fslkdnfa, fslkdnfasldkfnsasgigitt igflkd gfodfingerkndf ofdnflkneglkfn!

(attempted translation below)

i mean, holy shit she did like me! i can't belive it this is so awesome....im not sure what that last part translates to so i'll leave it as "ofdnflkneglkfn!"
i thinks its iranian for....uh....delightful

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[17 Oct 2004|01:05am]
[ mood | i hope she likes me... ]

Right Here In My Arms
Right Here In My Arms ~ You
like to be around people and like to be in some
sort of relationship. You're faithful and
would do most anything to make your love happy.

Which HIM video are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

fuck yeah, i love that song so much, and its description of me is distressingly uncanny

theres a girl i like, she lives downstairs from me and over (aka in 3k... haha that rhymed, dammit im a loser, anyway back to my post) , and now she sorta knows, well she definatley knows that i have a crush on her, i don't know whats going to happen, and this uncertainty is killing me. hopefully this will go well, she's an incredibly awesome person and i hate for something bad to happen between us...i wish i was better at this whole girl/guy interaction type stuff, im just bad at telling if a girl likes me, and what i should do as a result ya know? oh well, her name is Elyssa. take care everyone

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10~11~03 [11 Oct 2004|02:45pm]
...its been one year since my life got totally fucked....it still feels fresh, it still hurts, and its horrible....theres nothing quite like the the worst day of your life.....

Go away, sunny day
Go away, sunny day

All the horny people sitting
In front of their TV and thinkin'
What is wrong with me? I'm not a monster
Why won't anybody fuck me
I don't wanna live life lonely
Why does everyone have to be perfect?

Go away, sunny day
Go away, sunny day

All the barfly's sippin' whiskey
Fighting ever present pitty
Wondering what they keep sucking back for
Is it the drink or trepidation
Watching all trains leave the station
Left standing alone without a ticket

Stop searching cause there's no answer
Just a long ride of disaster
There's no simple way to stop the sadness
Life's not fair I'm glad it's not
This isn't heaven just a lonely
Planet on the verge of self-destruction
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